Why Do We Run from Our Own Emotions but Love Watching Others Feel Theirs?

Have you ever noticed how much we avoid feeling our emotions? We push them down, deflect them, numb them, or even pretend they don’t exist. Yet, at the same time, we love watching other people express their emotions—on TV, in movies, on social media, or even in real life. A tearjerker ending to a movie? We’re glued to the screen. A heartfelt confession on TikTok? We can’t scroll past. But when it comes to our own feelings? No, thank you. We’ll take anything but that emotional rollercoaster.

Why are we like this? Why do we hide from our own feelings but eagerly tune in to watch others cry, laugh, or rage? The answer lies in how we’re wired as humans and how we relate to emotions. Let’s break it down.

1. Our Own Emotions Feel Overwhelming

Think about the last time you felt really sad or angry. Maybe your throat tightened, tears started to well up, or you felt like your chest might explode. It’s uncomfortable, isn’t it? Confronting our emotions requires us to sit in that discomfort and be vulnerable.

It’s like trying to open Pandora’s box—you’re not sure what might come out, so you slam the lid shut. Avoidance feels safer, even if it means those emotions linger under the surface, quietly messing with your mood and energy.

Example: Imagine you’ve had a rough day at work. Instead of dealing with the frustration or disappointment, you plop on the couch and binge a show like This Is Us. Suddenly, you’re bawling over a fictional character’s grief. That grief feels safer to touch because it’s not yours.

2. Watching Others Feels Safe

When we watch someone else express their emotions—whether it’s a character in a movie or a stranger on Instagram—it feels safe because we’re not directly involved. We can cry over Jack from Titanic or feel deeply for a viral video of a soldier surprising their kid at school, but we get to do it from the comfort of our emotional sidelines.

This is why emotional movies or shows resonate so deeply. They let us explore feelings we might not have the courage to face in our own lives.

Example: You’re scrolling through TikTok and stumble upon a heartfelt post where someone opens up about their struggles with anxiety. You feel a pang in your chest because, deep down, you relate. But it’s easier to empathize with their story than to unpack your own anxiety.

3. It’s Cathartic

The Greeks had a word for this: catharsis. Aristotle described it as the emotional release we feel when watching a tragedy unfold on stage. That same catharsis happens today when we watch a heartbreaking movie or listen to a deeply emotional song.

It’s like our emotions finally have permission to flow—without the risk of judgment or the messiness of addressing what’s really going on inside us. Crying over The Notebook feels oddly refreshing, doesn’t it?

Example: You’re in the middle of a messy breakup, but instead of processing the heartbreak, you avoid it by re-watching Bridgerton. You cry your eyes out over Daphne and Simon’s love story, and it feels good—like you’ve released something, even if it wasn’t directly related to your own situation.

4. We’re Wired for Empathy

Humans are deeply empathetic beings. Our brains have something called mirror neurons that help us feel what others are feeling. When we see someone else cry, laugh, or get angry, our brain mirrors their emotional state. It’s how we connect with one another.

Watching someone express emotions can even validate feelings we’ve buried. It’s like their tears are doing the emotional heavy lifting for us.

Example: A friend shares how they’re overwhelmed by life. As they cry, you find yourself tearing up too, even though you haven’t admitted to anyone (not even yourself) that you’ve been feeling the same way.

5. We Crave Connection

Emotions are universal, and seeing them expressed by others makes us feel connected. A heartfelt scene in a movie or a genuine moment on social media reminds us that we’re not alone in our struggles.

Ironically, we’re often too afraid to share our own emotions for fear of being judged or rejected. So, instead, we soak in the emotions of others, fulfilling our need for connection without the risk of vulnerability.

Example: You find yourself binge-watching Grey’s Anatomy and feeling deeply connected to Meredith Grey’s pain, even though you’d never share your own feelings that openly. Her story gives you the connection and emotional release you might not feel comfortable seeking elsewhere.

6. Emotional Displays Feel Authentic

In a world full of filters and curated content, raw emotion stands out. Whether it’s a tearful confession on social media or an actor’s Oscar-worthy performance, we’re drawn to emotional authenticity. It’s refreshing in a world that often feels fake or overly polished.

Example: You’re at a wedding, and during the father-daughter dance, the dad starts crying. Everyone in the room, including you, is moved to tears. It’s not because you know their story, but because that raw emotion is so real and relatable.

How Can We Bridge the Gap?

If you’re nodding along to this and thinking, “Yep, that’s me,” here’s some good news: It’s possible to build a better relationship with your emotions. The next time you feel the urge to push your feelings down, pause. Try sitting with them, even for a few moments. Journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or simply naming what you’re feeling can help you process emotions rather than run from them.

You might also find that the more you allow yourself to feel, the less overwhelming emotions become. And when you watch someone else express theirs, it can inspire you to embrace your own.

Final Thoughts

We love watching others feel their emotions because it’s a safe, validating, and deeply human experience. But we avoid our own because vulnerability feels scary. The key is finding a balance—giving yourself permission to feel while continuing to appreciate the emotional journeys of others.

So, the next time you find yourself crying over a sappy movie or tearing up at a heartfelt TikTok, ask yourself: What would it feel like to give my own emotions the same kind of attention? You might be surprised by the answer.